


Maybe Totally Not a Diary

by sacheland



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Humor, M/M, Pining, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-19 01:56:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13113504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sacheland/pseuds/sacheland
Summary: Dear Diary,YUURI DID MY PROGRAM,THE STAMMI VICINO ONE!!!How long did he practice doing that routine? Because he looks so beautiful I memorize his every move and I just—swoon!!! That’s the most romantic thing anyone ever did for me! He is practically yelling at me from Hasetsu to get myself over there and be his coach—and maybe to his bed too which I’m 100% on board.





	Maybe Totally Not a Diary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Woodentrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woodentrain/gifts).



> This is a gift for Sinhole Solstice exchange for [Woodentrain](https://woodentrain.tumblr.com/%22).
> 
> Beta ed by [Jazz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icycoldmoonprincess/pseuds/icycoldmoonprincess%22).

**Page 1**

Dear Diary,

… or not a diary.

Yuri insisted this notebook is  _not a diary_. It is a journal he said, despite the fact that there’s a ‘Diary’ written in a beautiful font on the cover. Mila just snorted and said this notebook is a journal for my angsty soul. Which is a slander of course, if someone has an angsty soul, it’ll definitely be Georgi.

Either way, I have to admit this notebook is such a beautiful gift from Mila and Yuri. It is pink with shades of purple on the topside and full of glitter. There is also one big white tiger sticker on the back cover too, which I bet my Armani coat is Yuri’s doing.

From Georgi—bless his soul—I got a handmade feather quill pen. I knew it’s actually the one he made for Anya, but since they broke up a month ago, Georgi practically dumped us all the handmade gifts he made. Mila got a baby blue sweater and a scarf; Yuri got a huge teddy bear; while I got the feather quill pen and a bouquet of flowers made from recycled fabrics. It was such a beautiful bouquet I couldn’t help but admire for two hours in the apartment until Makkachin decided to rip it apart.

Oh well.

I told Georgi that he was very good in creating handmade arts, but then he burst into tears screaming why Anya left him if he was good at it. I had to slam my palm to my mouth so I didn’t tell him that Anya was offended with Georgi’s painting of Anya. Really, it was  _hideous_. Yakov almost blew a gasket when he saw the painting.

However, it didn’t matter that I could control my impulse because, in the end, Yuri said—to Georgi’s face!—that Anya looked like a gorilla in the painting.

We had to spend 30 minutes trying to drag Georgi from lying face down on the ice and then spent the next two hours reprimanded by Yakov.

Back to the notebook and feather quill, I honestly feel giddy writing with a feather quill. It is quite difficult and impractical to write like this, but who cares? Now I have the actual chance to feel like Ginny in Harry Potter in the Chamber of Secrets. I only need Tom Marvolo Riddle to reply my journal.

Perhaps Chris could be the Tom Marvolo Riddle of this journal. After all, Chris once cried he wanted to clone himself so he could have an orgy with his clones. I wouldn’t be surprised if Chris makes a lot of Horcrux just so he could do a kinky sex.

I have to call Chris about this important matter.

—

Chris refused. ;_;

————

**Page 14**

Dear Diary,

Makkachin is sooo adorable today.

She woke me up by licking my face and proceeded to roll over my body. I thought I was going to die from sheer adorableness.

The good thing is, I’m still alive and now I have more than a hundred new photos of Makkachin.

Bad thing is, training was awful today.

Yakov reprimanded me again because he thought I wasn’t serious in training, which is ridiculous. I’m  _always_  serious in training. I repeated the short program routine again and again and yet Yakov still thought I wasn’t in the right feeling for that routine.

At least Yakov didn’t have too many complaints about my free skate. I already know I’ll nail that program just fine.

Still, I couldn’t help but feel down about the short program. What if I couldn’t do the program justice? What if I couldn’t surprise the audience anymore?

To be honest, I already doubt my capability to surprise everyone again. I’m so uninspired nowadays. I wonder if I’m in middle age crisis now.

… does it mean I’m going to be bald? I don’t want to be bald!

I’m already self-conscious enough about my big forehead, I don’t want to look like Yakov in my late twenties!

Oh wait, Chris just video-calls me. He’ll be pissy if I don’t answer him.

—

I need a new bestfriend. Chris is dead to me.

He just laughed— _laughed!—_ when he saw my face on skype.

He said and I quote,  _“Victor, don’t tell me you’re back in your emo phase again!”_

First of all,  _it is not a phase_. So what if I wear smokey eyes, my favorite black jacket, and studded choker? I look amazing anyway. And My Chemical Romance is  _classic_. Chris is just an uncultured basic bitch.

I told him that and showed him my perfectly painted black nail on my middle finger.

But instead of intimidated, he just rolled on the bed cackling until Lady Margarita scratched him—yet he didn’t stop. I had to threaten him that I will show his drunk naked K-pop dance videos to his new beau to make him stop laughing.

It didn’t stop him from telling me I have to  _relax and go get laid, Victor_. He’s so nosy about this ever since he has a new boyfriend. Sure, the last time I had sex was with Chris and an ice dancer about six months ago—before he has a boyfriend of course—but really, I’m not like Chris who gets cranky when he doesn’t have sex regularly—nor am I lonely.

I’m totally, definitely, 100% fine.

And Makkachin agrees that I’m in my prime time anyway.

Though I still need to know how to keep my hair from balding. I hope google will give me answers. Please google, I beg of you.

————

**Page 23**

Dear Diary,

Beijing is cold today and I miss Makkachin so much.

There’s not a lot of things to do since I didn’t have anyone to go out with, so I just stayed in the hotel yesterday and do the usual boring obligations like replying emails from sponsors and checking investments. And looking at Makkacin’s pictures and videos, of course.

I mean, I’m not really  _alone_ , since there’s Yakov—but it’s different. Yakov is my coach, not someone I can hang out with. Shopping with Yakov will ensure my hair to fall out faster.

Also, I don’t know if the black castor oil actually works for my hair? People say it’s really good to thicken beard and hair but I haven’t seen the difference yet. Perhaps it’s because I’ve only used it for less than a week? Or should I just pour it on my hair everyday?

I should check google later.

It’s almost time for my short program. I hope I’ll do the program justice.

—

I didn’t—the program was no good. I couldn’t convey the emotions enough, it was… not awful per se, but it wasn’t great.

Yet, I still got the highest score out of everyone else, even though I didn’t think I deserve such high PCS.

I don’t know what to think about this.

————

**Page 49**

Dear Diary,

I won the Grand Prix. Again.

I—I honestly don’t know what to say.

Am I happy? I guess… but I’m not sure.

It’s just—it’s been so long. I keep winning and winning and  _everyone expects me to win_.

I like winning, of course, after all, I’m an athlete and sport is a world of competition. However, I just realized that… well,  _I don’t have a competition_. Not really, it’s been me—the legendary Victor Nikiforov of figure skating.

Perhaps it’s arrogant for me to think that way, but it’s true.

And it’s not—not just being unchallenged for five years, it’s also because no one is really surprised anymore by my winnings—by my programs. Everyone thinks my programs are expected to be amazing. And while I’m very proud of my FS, but my SP is…

Well, to be blunt, my PCS should be less than what I got.

I couldn’t interpret the SP as best as I could,  _I knew it_. I’ve known it since the start of Grand Prix. There’s something wrong—something is different with me for the past few months. I just—I couldn’t grasp the program anymore.

It was frustrating and yet, people keep thinking it’s good. I got great scores on that awful program.

And I’m just so tired. There’s nothing I can do. I feel like I have chains on my feet, dragging me to the golds I don’t think I deserve.

Or maybe I deserve them, but honestly what’s the point being a figure skater when you don’t have inspiration to even do your programs? There’s nothing I can do to surprise audience anymore.

I should just retire now.

I mean, I’m already old for a figure skater. Maybe  _it’s really my time to retire_. Though I don’t know what I’m gonna do after I retire.

Going to a graduate school? Getting a master degree in physical therapy or physical education? Or perhaps... a master degree in business? It would certainly help my investments.

I should go, Chris has been calling me for the past ten minutes. I reckon in 5 minutes, he’ll try to break down my hotel door.

————

**Page 52**

I think I’ve fallen in love.

Okay, maybe not fall in love. Just… a crush. Huge infatuation for the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.

It’s just—he— _he dances like he’s music personified_. He moves as if the music is made for him. As in, he dances without music  _yet_  I can hear the music clearly—following his rhythm and steps and he’s just so—

So beautiful.

And he has wonderful smiles, amazing laughs, just so  _so lively_. He made Yuri puffed his fur. He swung on the pole—and it reminded me I haven’t get laid for so long because I thought I was going to come  _right there_ —with Chris. Then he just  _swept me off my feet_  and I didn’t think I’ve ever been that happy when dancing with someone before?

He’s just— _he makes me feel like I’m alive_.

And then he flung his arms around me  _and grinded_  and I have to remind myself that he’s drunk and I shouldn’t take advantage of him. I had to carry him to his hotel room because he just didn’t want to let go of me.

But that’s not even the best thing.

I mean yes, having such a gorgeous man plastered himself on your body is also a great experience, but anyway—

He asked me to be his coach.

I didn’t know what he said precisely because he kept babbling in Japanese, but when he grinded on me, he asked me—me!—to be his coach.

I’ve never thought about being a coach before. It’s just never occurred to me because I’m not a patient person—but then again Yakov is not a patient person either?—yet, I couldn’t help but think about being a coach for Yuuri Katsuki.

It would have been wonderful. I’ve known for long that he’s my fan—I can see from his programs—and while he basically failed the Grand Prix final, I know that he has a lot of potential. Especially, after looking—and dancing!—with him tonight.

There’s just a lot of inspiration in my mind!

I hope that he’ll call me soon.

Now, I have too much inspiration to sleep. I should create the program now so I have a lot of time to polish it for Yuuri later.

————

**Page 66**

Dear Diary,

Still no words from Yuuri.

I wonder why.

Did he see my note on his bedside table that night? I’ve written my number there and even though he didn’t see my note, I’m sure Yuuri can reach me on my Instagram? I followed his that night.

Although… his Instagram updates are pretty sparse…

Perhaps he’s just busy? That’s a possibility.

It’s almost time for training.

—

YURI IS YUURI KATSUKI’S FAN!!!

It’s just an accident. Mila and I saw a wallet on the floor. It was black and studded, which I told Mila it might be Yuri’s. Still, we had to make sure it’s Yuri’s so we opened the wallet AND YUURI KATSUKI’S PICTURES SPILLED FROM THE WALLET!

There were  _so many_ pictures, even more than Makkachin pictures in my wallet!

Yuri threw a tantrum after that, he was so red from the embarrassment that I could probably fry an egg on his face.

But it was just  _so funny_! Because he was so harsh everytime I talk about Yuuri and I remembered  _that night_ , Yuri was furious after he was beaten by Yuuri.

Turns out, the kid has a crush.

Though really, as someone who also has a crush on Yuuri, I can relate.

Either way, I asked if he heard news about Yuuri—because he can’t pretend he doesn’t care about Yuuri anymore—and Yuri said that Yuuri is preparing for his graduation.

Well, it’s understandable why he hasn’t reached for me yet. I remembered doing undergraduate thesis while being an athlete—it was horrible.

———

**Page 75**

Im druk lol my prince left me on cold flor i’m frezing where is yuuriIIIII?????

Sing Dark Eyes with gorgi in karoke hours and it hurt yuurir no want meeee makachn bab lovv yu

————

**Page 84**

Dear Diary,

I know I’m not the best person to have a relationship with.

I’m not even someone people like to be with.

Without my golds, I’m just… well, me. I’m far too busy, too high maintenance, too clingy. There are so many other things about me that people avoid. And maybe Yuuri does too, avoid me.

It’s just… it’s difficult. Because something—someone slips from my grasp and I just—

He’s not there, not in World Championship.

I knew that he’s not qualified, but I thought he would be there, at least. That I could approach him and ask him why he never calls. I just—does he really wants me to be his coach? Or does he think it’s just a mistake, that he doesn’t want me—that I could be an absolutely horrible coach?

… which is understandable. I’m an amateur after all. I might have taken an undergraduate in physical education, but I’m still an amateur. I barely have any idea how to be a coach, no matter how much I have read for the past few months. I don’t have a lot of practical experiences.

I got another world record for Stammi Vicino. I’m proud of it yet I still feel hollow—because I know that I skate that program with him in mind.

Is it so strange that I miss someone who I don’t really know and only danced with for one night?

Chris and Mila offered to find Yuuri’s contact, but I told them no. I don’t want to burden Yuuri with my clinginess—if Yuuri really wants me to be his coach, he can call me when he’s ready.

The Eros and Agape routines I created based on him and me are finished. I wish I could give him Eros. I wish I could see him dancing on Eros—like he did that night so long ago.

I want Makkachin with me now so I can hug her because it’s been so long and I miss her so much.

There’s so much heartache for the past few months, yet I don’t—I’ll never regret what happened that night.

———

**Page 97**

Yuuri did Stammi Vicino.

 _Yuuri did my program perfectly_.

I mean, not  _perfectly perfect_. There were some mistakes and Yuuri clearly can’t do a quad flip and it seems Yuuri gained weight? Which would be a problem if he wants to be back to competitive figure skating.

Which means that’ll be my job as a coach to make Yuuri back to his weight before.

Just—YUURI DID MY PROGRAM,  _THE STAMMI VICINO ONE_!!!

How long did he practice doing that routine? Because he looks so beautiful I memorize his every move and I just— _swoon_!!! That’s the most romantic thing anyone ever did for me! He is practically yelling at me from Hasetsu to get myself over there and be his coach—and maybe to his bed too which I’m 100% on board.

There’s so much to do and sort now. I’m going to Hasetsu! YUURI WAIT FOR ME!

———

**Page 100**

Dear Diary,

Now I’m on the plane on my way to Hasetsu.

Yakov tried to make me change my mind but nope, I’m going to Hasetsu, be with Yuuri as his coach and as his—!!!—in every way. I mean, look at him dancing, I bet he’ll be amazing in bed and then we’ll get married and raise a lot of puppies and—

I should get a hold of myself.

First, I have to focus on being his coach. I bring along all my books with me since I’m an amateur and don’t really know how to coach. I also have to think about the first impression. I know I should be professional but I just—I don’t want to lose this chance of getting the love of my life. If Yuuri doesn’t want me in the end and only wants me as his coach, it’ll be fine. I just—I need to try. I don’t want regret—like how much I’ve been neglecting my love and life all my life—not anymore.

First impression…

Yuuri is so confident and so amazing. I want to show him that I’m not  _boring_. I want to keep his attention on me. I should do something… memorable.

The first impression means appearance. I know I’m attractive despite my woe about my forehead. I know that Yuuri is attracted to me given how much he grinded on me that night.

I shouldn’t think that. It wouldn’t be proper to have a hard-on on a plane, no matter what Chris and I did in the toilet back when I was 22.

I will stay at Yuuri’s family hotel. I have made the reservation and I’m so glad that they accept pets to bring. I wouldn’t know what to do if I can’t bring Makkachin with me.

Back to the first impression, my appearance is a strong asset. Chris once said no one can resist me when I’m naked.

Maybe I should meet Yuuri when I’m naked.

**Author's Note:**

> The song 'Dark Eyes' is called Очи чёрные in Russia.  
> Chris cat is Lady Margarita because why not.
> 
> —  
> Hit me up (preferably with a hammer) on [tumblr](http://sacheland.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
